I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
