yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
