you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
nutella sex= disaster
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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