Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
