Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
