its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We need to get me chipped asap
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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