So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
