I think im going to throw up on grandma
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
