why didn't you poke me back
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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