After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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