Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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