I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
