Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
