So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
