I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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