She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
how does that bad decision feel?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
