ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
