Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
