Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
