Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
