I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
