frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
