It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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