Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
nutella sex= disaster
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
