It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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