when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
