So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
