well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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