So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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