I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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