I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
