well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
