i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
