He is like the real live version of the state fair..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Damn victory sex feels great
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
