tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
