I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
