then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
