Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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