Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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