he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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