He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
