you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
