Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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