nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
