Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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