I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
