Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
