...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
