Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
