Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
