I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
