SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
